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June News  I cannot believe that it is already our first anniversary issue and I have been writing these newsletters for a year! As we have been going a year, to keep things fresh, I'm going to try a change of format to the featured topic. This year we will have a Top 10 Tips feature instead of the 20 Questions format. This month's topic is Assertiveness. When I first began writing last year it seemed quite a daunting commitment to write a newsletter EVERY month but I now really enjoy the discipline of it and your continued support and feedback make it a very interactive process, so thank you.
Please let me know if you enjoy this month's topic and the new Top 10 Tips format. Featured Topic: Assertiveness
Assertiveness means different things to different people. For me, assertiveness is NOT being loud and direct or being able to get your way all the time. It is also NOT necessarily something that can be learnt on an effective communication and body language course. I think true assertiveness comes from a belief that you are equal to others (not better or worse, just equal) and you therefore communicate assertively from this position of equality. Effective communication and body language help but you cannot change the message without changing the messenger. Assertive people therefore do not need to get their way all the time but they do know what is important to them and care about the values of other people. Assertive people are more interested in a "win-win" solution than a victory. Top 10 Assertiveness Tips 1. Know your boundaries In each interaction you have, think about what is important to you and where your boundaries are. What is really important and what are you prepared to compromise on? If you focus at this level you will maintain your sense of self and be able to negotiate on the details. You will know when to dig your heels in and when it's OK to let go. 2. Seek to understand the other person If you are to reach a 'win-win' solution it is important to understand the other person and what their values are. In an equal interaction both views are equally valid. What is most important to the other person and where are their boundaries? 3. Acknowledge the other person Always acknowledge the other person's point of view and/or emotional state BEFORE stating your own views and frustrations. Phrases like "I know it is important to you to........" or "I can see you are frustrated by........" demonstrate how you value the other person and see them as equal to yourself. 4. Be clear about what you need Let the other person know what is important to you and the outcome you would suggest. Be as clear and direct as possible. It is always worth saying what you want, you never know the other person might agree! 5. Get the balance right Stay connected to yourself and your feelings. A great way to do this is to take deep diaphragmatic breaths and be very aware of your feet planted firmly on the ground. As you do this you will notice that you feel calmer, talk more slowly and have more time to think. 6. Choose how you react From a position of balance it is much easier to choose how you react to things. If you find yourself getting upset or frustrated take more deep breaths and think before you say anything. What is making you emotional? Remember it is very important for the other person to be honest in order to move the situation forward, to do this they may say things that make you uncomfortable. 7. Mind your body language Stay aware of your body. Remember that what we say with our body is far more important than anything we say with our words. Assertive people tend to be on the same physical level as the other person (sitting if they are sitting, standing if they are standing etc.), have open body language and use slow deliberate gestures with their hands to support what they are saying. 8. Speak slowly and considerately Assertive people tend to speak in a slow considered manner which also gives them more time to think. If you slow down you will not only come across more assertively but you will also be able to choose the right words for the situation. Try and avoid sentences like "You always....." or "I understand that, but....." opt instead for "I feel that...." or "I appreciate that......". 9. Ask for time While you are practising assertiveness take the time you need to make the right decision or say the right thing. If you cannot think of an answer or feel uncomfortable then ask for the time you need. Expressions like "Let me think that through...." or "Can I take some time to reflect on what you've said...". 10. Coach yourself As you start to notice yourself becoming more assertive, give yourself encouraging feedback. It's amazing how saying "Well done you...." or "You are doing well..." to ourselves makes a difference. If you struggle try telling yourself "It's OK, you are doing the best you can". Try giving yourself permission to just try something new and notice what happens. Talking with a coach is also a great way to explore what assertive means for you. Please contact us if you'd like to explore further. Activities last month 'What is Coaching' workshop We have developed a two hour 'What is Coaching' workshop that can be run over Video Conference or Face-to-face. During the workshop we explore the role of coaching in developing empowerment and practise using coaching models with non-business scenarios. If you think this might be useful in your organisation or would just like to know more, please contact us. Telephone Coaching Surgery We are running a new telephone Coaching Surgery for remote staff in a large organisation. Staff can sign-up for 30-40 minute Coaching Sessions and explore their current business challenges with a certified and accredited Coach. If you think this might be useful in your organisation or would just like to know more, please contact us.
What is coming next month? Next month the Featured Topic will be Coaching Tips for Leaders and Managers. If you enjoy this newsletter do please feel free to forward it onto a friend or colleague. If you've just received this newsletter from a friend or colleague and would like to subscribe please click here. Warm wishes Helen.
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