Featured Topic: Being Assertive
Assertiveness
comes from believing that you are equal to
others (not better or worse, just equal) and you can communicate
assertively from this position of equality. Clear communication and
body language can help but it is difficult to change the message you
give out without first changing how you feel about yourself.
The
tips below will help you to find your own sense of equality, confidence
and assertiveness. They build on the tips we first published in June
last year.
10 Tips
1. Be clear on your boundaries
Think about what is important to you and
where your boundaries are. What is really important and what are you
prepared to compromise on? If you focus at this level you will maintain
your sense of self and be able to negotiate on the details. You will
know when to dig your heels in and when it's OK to let go.
2. Focus on win-win solutions
It is important to understand the
other person and what their values are. In an equal interaction both
views are equally valid. What is most important to the other person and
where are their boundaries?
3. Demonstrate empathy
Always
acknowledge the other person's point of view and/or emotional state
BEFORE stating your own views and frustrations. Phrases like "I know it
is important to you to........" or "I can see you are frustrated
by........" demonstrate how you value the other person and see them as
equal to yourself.
4. Be clear about your own needs
Let the other person know what is important to you and the outcome you would suggest.
Be as clear and direct as possible. It is always worth saying what you want, you never know the other person might agree!
5. Stay centred
Stay
connected to yourself and your feelings. A great way to do this is to
take deep diaphragmatic breaths and be very aware of your feet planted
firmly on the ground.
As you do this you will notice that you feel calmer, talk more slowly and have more time to think.
6. Stay calm
From
a position of balance it is much easier to choose how you react to
things. If you find yourself getting upset or frustrated take more deep
breaths and think before you say anything. What is making you emotional?
Remember it is very important for the other person to be honest in
order to move the situation forward, to do this they may say things that
make you uncomfortable.
7. Mind your (body) language
Stay
aware of your body. Remember that what we say with our body is far more
important than anything we say with our worlds. Assertive people tend
to be on the same physical level as the other person (sitting if they
are sitting, standing if they are standing etc.), have open body
language and use slow deliberate gestures with their hands to support
what they are saying.
8. Slow down
Assertive
people tend to speak in a slow considered manner which also gives them
more time to think. If you slow down you will not only come across more
assertively but you will also be able to choose the right words for the
situation. Try and avoid sentences like "You always....." or "I
understand that, but....." opt instead for "I feel that...." or "I
appreciate that......".
9. Ask for time
While
you are practising assertiveness take the time you need to make the
right decision or say the right thing. If you cannot think of an answer
or feel uncomfortable then ask for the time you need. Expressions like
"Let me think that through...." or "Can I take some time to reflect on
what you've said...".
10. Be your own Coach
As
you start to notice yourself becoming more assertive, give yourself
encouraging feedback. It's amazing how saying "Well done you...." or
"You are doing well..." to ourselves makes a difference. If you struggle
try telling yourself "It's OK, you are doing the best you can". Try
giving yourself permission to just try something new and notice what
happens.
Talking with a coach is also a great way to explore what assertiveness means for you. Please contact us if you'd like to explore further.
Highlights from last month
Coaching programmes
We've
just started several Leadership Coaching programmes. Each programme is
tailored specifically to the leader's needs usually involving an
intake (or goal setting session), Myers-Briggs assessment, 360 review,
six coaching sessions and set-up and review
meetings with their sponsor. “Helen was a great coach and really helped me move forward with my
personal development objectives. 100% reliable and flexible in terms of
arranging meetings, thoughtful and intuitive, upbeat, positive and
supportive whilst at the same time challenging me in areas where I was
'stuck' or suffering from tunnel vision! Would happily recommend her to
others.”
Coaching takes place face-to-face or over the phone/Skype. For more information contact us.
Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
We've
just completed a Coaching programme helping a leader to improve their
leadership, influencing and resilience skills through a greater
understanding and application of Emotional Intelligence. We used
Myers-Briggs to explore the intrapersonal and interpersonal components
of emotional intelligence.
"Helen
is a enthusiastic yet empathetic coach who quickly puts you at ease.
She has great insight & judgement and is able to get to the heart of
the issue and gently encourages you to reach a practical outcome (not
always the outcome you expected!). I have gained a lot from working with
her and have recommended her to several of my colleagues”
If you'd like to know more about EQ Coaching please contact us.
Next month
Conflict Management Coaching
We
are developing a workshop looking at ways to work through conflict
using an understanding of personality preference. More on this next
month.
'What is Coaching' workshop
We
are delivering another two hour 'What is Coaching' workshop via Video Conference. During the workshop we explore
the role of coaching in developing empowerment and practise using
coaching models with non-business scenarios.
If you think this might be
useful in your organisation or would just like to know more, please contact us.
Dealing with Change Coaching
We
are running one-to-one Change Management sessions exploring creative
ways to deals with personal and business change. For more information contact us.
Coming next month
Next month's topic will be Managing Conflict. I hope you've enjoyed this newsletter, if you have please
forward on to friends or colleagues.
Warm wishes, 
